As I got further into my pregnancy my doctors kept asking, “Did you take a birthing class?” and “Did you pack your hospital bag?” It seemed like those were the most important things to do in order to prepare for parenthood. Social media would suggest that packing your hospital bag with the cutest matching PJ set for you and baby is also a high priority on the checklist.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll overpack your hospital bag for every possible scenario. Truth is, I wore 1 of the 5 outfits I packed myself and only because my husband forced me to get out of bed and shower on day 2.
There are a lot of great checklists out there of what to physically include in your hospital bag. This is not one of them. Buckle up because there’s a lot to unpack from mom’s hospital bag those first few days with baby.
1. Pack a Pen and Paper
Our 3 days in the hospital felt so overwhelming. Every nurse and doctor had a checklist of to dos for me and the baby. You’ll need to nurse, then formula feed, then pump every 2-3 hours. Make sure you’re taking a warm sitz bath a couple times a day. Keep the umbilical cord clean and dry. Take your meds at every meal and speaking of meals, make sure you are eating lots of fiber.
They gave us packets of information at the hospital, and I prepared myself by reading books before baby came. But I was running on no sleep and this was a lot to file away in my head.
As someone who loves to journal, I had already packed a pen and paper in my hospital bag. Our 2nd day there, I began writing things down any time someone new entered the room. Some of it was common sense, but if I could store it somewhere other than my mind, it was taken off my mental load for now. The long list and the anxiety of trying to accomplish it all lessened once I put pen to paper.
2. Pack the “No Plan” Birth Plan
Though many people told us to write a birth plan, I knew that trying to control that experience with a perfectly outlined delivery would only result in disappointment. I have a bad habit of setting the expectation of how an experience will go and being disappointed with what actually occurred- the perfectionist in me.
That being said, Greg and I still had many conversations about how the day could go and how we’d like to be in the moment. The “no plan” plan is a phrase Greg uses when we go somewhere (on vacation, a day out on the weekend, etc.) and I haven’t made plans for the day. It’s his favorite kind of plan. It’s the idea that we have an end goal, but there are a number of ways to get there.
These questions helped us come up with our “no plan” birth plan…
How do you want your partner (or support person) to support you?
As the person who is about to deliver a human into the world, it’s easy to forget that your partner also has a very important role in the delivery room. Have you ever had someone tell you to “calm down” and instead of calming down you did the complete opposite? What words or phrases do you find helpful in moments of stress? Do you prefer that your partner comfort you with touch or give you space? How can your partner advocate for you or your baby if you cannot?
BE SPECIFIC ladies. Don’t assume your partner will know how to support you in the moment. Waiting until you go into labor is not the best time to try and be their teacher. You have a very important job that day and so do they. Just like with any new job, you should both come prepared.
How will you cope through the pain?
The pain during labor is what I feared the most. Even with an epidural, the pain you feel before and after is inevitable. And believe it or not sometimes you just don’t make it in time to get the epidural at all.
Before my due date, I practiced breath work and visualization, and I’m so thankful I did. These 2 techniques are what got me through my contractions and what helped me keep pushing. Even when me and baby’s heart rate dropped, my mind stayed tuned into my only job at that time-push baby out. I also asked Greg to come prepared with a few stories ready for me in case I needed a distraction (e.g., a favorite memory, a dreamy travel destination, anywhere that would take me out of the present.)
How will you respond when the “plan” does not go the way you imagined?
Even without a detailed birth plan, it’s hard to not put any expectation on how you’d like your labor to go. It’s important to consider how you may want to proceed in case the unexpected happens. Although we never formally wrote something down, Greg and I still talked through possible scenarios or complications that could arise. We discussed how we’d allow ourselves to respond to them. This turned out to be useful during my labor when the doctor called in a team for possible vacuum extraction. In that moment, Greg was my voice when my mind was somewhere else.
I think what scared me the most about giving birth was all the unknowns. A practice that I found to help ease my anxiety before labor was writing down everything that I could control. Some things from my list…
- Change my behavior through breath, movement, visualization, etc.
- Ask for help (this was/still is the hardest for me)
- Allow myself to feel scared, brave, angry, frustrated, excited without judgment
- Change my mind in the moment
- Tell Greg what I need from him
- Be kind to myself
3. Pack a Survival Manual for Your Hospital Stay
We had so many conversations about how to get through labor but talked very little about how we’d manage that first week with our newborn. Thinking labor was the hardest part was one of the biggest misconceptions I had as a new mom.
I challenge you to ask yourself and your partner, “How do you plan to survive the first 2 nights with your baby?” I realize the word “survive” sounds a little dramatic. Throw in no sleep, no food, raging hormones, and a new identity into 24 hours, and you are pretty much trying to survive. There’s also something called “second night syndrome” where your baby realizes they are out of the womb and they’re more likely to wake more, cry more and feed more frequently that second night. This leaves 2 very tired parents.
Both Greg and I do not have fond memories of our hospital stay. Had we discussed expectations and set boundaries beforehand, maybe our experience would have gone differently.
Here are some things I wish we had talked through before our hospital stay…
Is there a nursery at the hospital?
On our last day there, we learned there was a nursery where you could send your baby for a period of time so that you could get some rest. There were posters on every wall of our room encouraging room sharing so that mom could bond with baby. I guess this is why we assumed our hospital didn’t have a nursery. Yes, bonding with your baby those first days is so, so important. It’s also important that the person taking care of the baby is able to do so.
I don’t think I slept more than 3 hours in 48 hours. Since our daughter came 10 days before her expected due date, my husband had to continue with work calls and emails from the hospital. My teammate that had been by my side all during labor needed to step away in order to provide for his new family of 3. To no fault of my husband, it was the first of many moments that I’d feel isolated as a new mom.
With the lack of sleep, I was not at all in the right state to care for my baby. Even though I know I’d probably feel guilty sending her to a nursery, I now know it was what we all needed. I’d encourage you to ask about a nursery before you deliver even if you’re unsure about utilizing it. And if there isn’t one, create a plan for taking shifts so you can both squeeze in some time to rest.
What are your expectations of your partner during this time?
Right after the birth of our daughter, we both just kind of went into survival mode catching up on sleep/work/self-care whenever we had a second to do so and not really communicating much. When thinking about our hospital stay, I didn’t even consider that Greg might have to answer emails and take calls for work. After my 48 hours of no sleep and a huge break down, I communicated my needs through sobs. I had waited too long to ask him for help, and I regret not saying something sooner.
How will you manage external responsibilities?
I realize in the busy world we live in, not everything just stops because you had a life-changing experience. We couldn’t predict when our daughter would be born, and Greg couldn’t just pause work when she was born 10 days early. Maybe your partner is unable to be with you at all during your hospital stay, especially if you have other children at home.
Setting those boundaries and expectations of how you’ll manage outside responsibilities ahead of time is so important. It’s also a very appropriate time to delegate and ask for help from friends and family.
While I realize everyone’s experience is different, I hope you find these ideas helpful for your own hospital stay. Pack the eye mask and the sound machine. Pack a toothbrush or don’t. There’s a lot to UNpack in those first 48 hours, so pack the tools in your hospital bag to help you get through it all. You got this mama!
