One day, while my toddler explored her edible sensory bin, which was ending up more on the floor than in the bin, I found myself saying, “THERE ARE BOOGERS AND CRUMBS EVERYWHERE!” My sister-in-law chuckled, “that would be a great blog name.” Since the moment I delivered my baby girl into the world, everything around me became messier, both literally and figuratively.
Funny enough, the phrase “boogers and crumbs” doesn’t just describe my toddler. When I went on my first date with my husband, we bonded over conversations about food. He loves to cook and I love to eat- a perfect match! Poor guy had no idea when he met me that so many conversations at our dinner table would result in tears and tissues because this girl is a sensitive empath who loves to talk about her feelings. 7 years and 1 kid later, he now knows to grab the tissue box and let me be me.
So, while “Coffee and Crumbs” might have been a more polished name, “Boogers and Crumbs” seemed more…real. Watching my daughter’s face light up at the sight of cheerios crushed into pretend “dirt” was well worth the clean up. Sometimes embracing the “messy” is the only way to really stay present. And as a new parent, being present feels more important than ever before.
Who is this chick?
I’m a recovering perfectionist, gifted eater, and goofy wife and mama. I crave a good schedule and while some might find my life boring, I get to be a superhero by day and a princess at night. I start my day writing over a cup of coffee, then I teach kids to read, and after school, I perform stand up comedy in dress up clothes for my toddler. Despite the name of my blog, I love a clean kitchen. Invite me to a playdate and I’ll bring snacks…for the moms. I’m happiest when I’m spending QT with my family. The only time you’ll see me relax is when I’m holding a glass of Malbec or when I’m in Savasana- both poses look the same. I thought my husband was the best thing that ever happened to me and then we had our daughter.
Why am I here?
The joy I felt hours after getting a positive pregnancy test was quickly overshadowed by worries. As I got further into my pregnancy, fears about my baby being okay turned into fears of not being a good enough mom. Somehow I found myself questioning my identity, how others saw me and how I saw myself. Once my daughter was born, it became clear to me that I cannot keep living this way. Perfectionism has suffocated me and the people around me for as long as I can remember. I’ve never wanted to punch perfectionism in the face more than when I became a mother.
Going through labor, delivering a tiny human, and getting through those first few days with a newborn were harder than I expected. See it’s impossible to control those 3 experiences. Instead of surrendering to what could have been beautiful moments, I allowed my inner critic and need for order to take over. This is how I’ve been all my life. Others have described me as someone who is loyal, diligent, organized, and doesn’t miss a detail. Truth is, under that perfect exterior is someone who always needs control, avoids taking risks, aims to please, and has an intense fear of failing.
In those first few days with my baby girl, I turned to online platforms hoping I’d find the answers that would fix this feeling. What I found were picture perfect moms who seemed to be completely in control. This left me feeling more alone in those already isolating days as a new mom. What I craved were real, raw, messy stories. I wanted someone else to say, “I have no idea what I’m doing either.”
Why are you here?
As parents, we are our own worst critic, and it doesn’t help that the minute you announce your pregnancy the opinions start flooding in. Before you even realize it, those outside opinions and your inner voice may begin to question everything you’re doing. While we can’t always avoid the mess in motherhood, we can work on managing our messy minds. Knowing that you’re not in this alone makes the mess feel a little less overwhelming.
As I navigate parenthood, I’ll share my tips and activities for little ones and my lessons learned in both marriage and parenting. My hope is that hearing my stories might make you feel a little less lonely on your own parenting journey. Grab a tissue or a snack and follow along as I learn to embrace the boogers and crumbs.